
When exploring the complex emotions deep in people's hearts, professional consultant psychologist Lin Cuifen provides profound insights in his book "Insight into the Heart from Affair: Time Creation and Rebuilding Trust". Imagine that a major event happens in your life, it may be a failure of a business, a crisis of a family, or an unexpected encounter. At such a critical moment, your emotional needs begin to change and psychological transition is quietly occurring. Lin Cuifen raised a thought-provoking question in his book: What life or major event can easily lead people to have the idea of having an affair? She noted that although major life events do not necessarily lead to affair, they may become catalysts for the shifting of emotional needs. How do these changes affect the deepest trust and connection between people?
1. When I have a child, I have had too many husbands having an affair during my wife's pregnancy. I have seen my wife in Rocca sitting on a car to find her husband in a place or in another place. After finding her, she was still roared and angry by her husband. She felt so aggrieved that she finally cleansed her face and couldn't fall asleep. She was really worried that her wife would do her behavior that hurt her. Some wives also switch all their attention to the child after their child is born, and they lack interest in secrecy. On the one hand, the husband feels that his importance is replaced by his children, and on the other hand, if his sexual needs are not met for a long time, he gives himself a reasonable reason for an affair. 2. When you are unemployed, you can find out that you are not as good as you are. Review)'s survey found that men have the highest risk of having sex in the unemployment stage, with a chance of reaching 15%. This is because when they get money with their companions, they will threaten the potential "male male style". Affair is one of the ways for men to revive their male style. In fact, no matter whether men or women are unemployed at home for a long time, it is easy to lose confidence and sense of value in yourself, and feel that you are nothing. When people lose their sense of accomplishment at work, they may turn their attention to other places where they can immediately gain a sense of accomplishment. At this time, developing a relationship will not only feel your charm and value, but also get warm and comfort. 3. Dating softwareAfter the popularity of dating software, many affair incidents have been caused. Many people will find people who chat through dating software and reconcile their feelings of love. Both parties will go out to eat and watch movies first. If they are in love, they will further develop the relationship.
4. After getting sick, many people will feel that "life is unpredictable" and "are not too many days". In order to seize the time to do "things that I have thought about for a long time but have not done", or feel that "I have never lived for myself", they may suddenly make major decisions in life, let go of the goals I have worked hard for a long time, or just talk about a love that is not blessed or allowed. 5. After the death of family membersAfter the death of important family members and friends, some people will feel particularly lonely and feel that no one understands themselves. The grief loses the spiritual pillar that they rely on for a long time, and the importance of the other party cannot be replaced by the partner. In order to find a new spiritual trust, new feelings are developed. For example, a friend who is close to his mother cannot face his mother's departure and chooses to escape. Under the relationship between guilt and anxiety, he indulges in the emotions of affair and constantly tortures himself with anxiety and guilt. Some people are also inspired by aristocratic family and friends. Seeing the regrets left by the other party in their lives, they want to avoid the same regrets in the future and decide to have their relationship.
6. The process of starting a businessAfter starting a business, many people will yearn for respect and admiration, and then feel the value of success. If the company does not change the way they treat him in time, it is possible to develop another relationship that meets the "need to be admired". Some people also have new working partners after starting a business, and both parties often fight together and develop revolutionary feelings. Some people also need various human and economic resources after starting a business. At this time, if someone lends a helping hand in time, based on a grateful heart, it is possible to develop feelings.
7. The companionship changes and timely discovers the relationship between his needs and feelingsThe long-term relationship between the companionship will sometimes ignore the psychological changes of the other party when major events occur. If you observe the companion’s recent behavior pattern, or the way of speaking is different from before, you might as well understand what the needs behind the conversion are, update the interaction methods in time, or may bring new possibilities to life.
This article records: "Insight into the heart from an affair: Time-to-life insult and rebuilding trust"
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Editor: Chen Yaomei
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